Darnell's Playlist

I must've typed then deleted at least 5 times
So much I want to say, need to say
I'm not sure if it's that I don't know how to say it
Or if it's just that words can't describe it
What I am sure of is I miss what we had
&& I want it back more than I want anything
So, tonight, like very many nights, I am dedicating this to you
My Simba, I love you ; then, now, forever, always



Bow Wow - Let Me Hold You
Jagged Edge - Good Luck Charm
Ginuwine - I'm In Love
Musiq - Teach Me
Amel Larrieux - Make Me Whole
Teedra Moses - Take Me
Beyonce - Dangerously In Love
Alicia Keys - No One
Keyshia Cole- Heaven Sent
Chris Brown - With You
Anthony Hamilton - Do You Feel Me
Brandy - Wanna Be Down
Bow Wow feat. Ciara - Like You
Amel Larrieux - No One Else
Goapele - First Love
Fabolous - Make Me Better
Jordin Sparks - No Air
Tyra B - Still In Love
Nivea - Complicated
Anthony Hamilton - Can't Let Go
Lyfe Jennings - Let's Stay Together
Mary J. Blige - Be Without You

&& just know that this list could go on ...

Fat Girl Status

So. . .I definitely have been on a tetter totter with this whole "healthy living" thing
I will do so good for like 2 weeks then what happens?
McDonald's fries or brownies or cherry limeade will call my name
&& it is all downhill from there

I suppose there is a balance that I can maintain
my problem is getting to that balance and staying consistent
Mmm. . .chocolate chip cookies and ice cream. . .
totally went off topic but that's how it happens
random thoughts of great tasting food
then I have to have it
well, maybe not HAVE TO
but my wants take over && then I am back at square one

with that being said, I am gonna make it a priority to do better
hopefully, in about a month, I will be telling how well I am doing on this venture

So Cold

Hello world!
I am back again :)
this feels like I'm back "home"
*exhale* so much has taken place since our last encounter
it would take too much time to catch us up
so I'm just gonna start from this very moment...
Wale's "Diary" on repeat
fell in love with this song a little while back
actually, really listening to it makes me truly realize why
this song is me ; who I have become, why I have become this
I am moved to tears ; I am what this song is
save me from me ; don't wanna be "down and out"
somehow, I wanna move on ; live without fear
LOVE without fear...love WITHOUT fear
F E A R ; how could 4 letters stop a force so strong?
it's a hell of a thing ; I can testify to that
there is one thing that I have learned from it though
as long as I keep it moving, I'll find my way out
"nurse the wounds by them ; tried them, didn't work
diary of a black girl..."

Taking a Night Off

so anyone who knows me
knows that i just might be Mr.Graham's most devoted
ever since the early day[yess.Degrassi]
i was on him toughh
&& to see him evolve not only as an actor
but as an artist is amazing

so as i sit here
listening to "A Night Off" [one of my favorites]
i wonder what a night off for Drake is like
home cooked meal.movie.cuddled up
good convo.no awkward moments
just free flowing.entertaining dialect
that intrigues both parties
leaving them wanting more?
sounds like a damn good night off to me haha.

T0RN.TAKiN ALL MY ENERGY

wanting more than anything
for things to go back
to the way they used to be
been so open with everything
yet.he can't tell me one thing
what should i think?
a part of me feels
that i am getting played
another feels this is just his way
of being sure
i know i have always been selfish
but why is it all about you?
zero consideration of my feelings
not the person i used to love
someone T0TALLY different
wasn't expecting the same person
.in some aspects.
but this person
i gotta learn
honestly.i don't like it
wanna be with the person
who smiled.loved.lived[freely]
i am drained.confused.torn
what to do?
we do not have the time
you think we do
we cannot play and wait around
.life is too short.
gimme something.anything
i can work with
cuz right now
i am feeling like
i am on a one way street
&&& that isn't love

In Memory Of

.my tongue ring.
so for the past two days
i have been going back forth
about whether or not
i should take my tongue ring out
[even though i just got it done Monday]
pretty much everyone i asked
told me to keep it in
it would be money wasted
i am almost done with the healing process
&& all that blahzee skippyyy woo woo L0L
so finally someone asked why did i get it done
i told them because i wanted to
then they asked why did i want to
&& that is the question i had yet to answer for myself
so after so deep thinking, i realized the answer
&& it was N0T because JASMiNE wanted to
if that was the case, i would have gotten it done 5 years ago
once i figured out the REAL reason i got it done
i took it out
and there are gonna be some people who will be angryy
&& sayy all kinds of thiingsss
but in the end. i gotta live for me
never again will i do something
because i think it will be pleasing to someone else
<3333

i F0UND iT

i finally found what i was looking for
everyone told me
if i search hard enough
i would find it
&&& i did
i am not gonna lie
that shiittt hurt
like losing my best friend
i stayed composed
even though everything in me
wanted to go over there
&&& act ignorant
i waited until i got home to cry
and i cried. . .and cried. . .and cried
i fell asleep cryiinggg
&&& woke up cryiinggg
because i had a dream about the situation
but wayyy moreee intenseee
i cried when i confronted him. . .hella hard
i cried in my best friend and sister's arms
i am cryiinggg right now
&&& i am gonna continue to cryyy
.never knew a looovvveee sooo stronggg.
the crazy thing about is it gave me strength
outta all the hurt &&& pain
i found strength
the strength to begin healing
to say i am hurting myself by tryna love you
to make the choice when he could not decide
to say i was wrong &&& he was right
to stop saying i cannot live without you
because the truth is
i can &&& i will
yesss. it is gonna hurt
i am gonna cry
but i need to find me again
to grow up
get myself together
maybe we can try again after the healing is over
for now. . .ima just live