In Memory Of

.my tongue ring.
so for the past two days
i have been going back forth
about whether or not
i should take my tongue ring out
[even though i just got it done Monday]
pretty much everyone i asked
told me to keep it in
it would be money wasted
i am almost done with the healing process
&& all that blahzee skippyyy woo woo L0L
so finally someone asked why did i get it done
i told them because i wanted to
then they asked why did i want to
&& that is the question i had yet to answer for myself
so after so deep thinking, i realized the answer
&& it was N0T because JASMiNE wanted to
if that was the case, i would have gotten it done 5 years ago
once i figured out the REAL reason i got it done
i took it out
and there are gonna be some people who will be angryy
&& sayy all kinds of thiingsss
but in the end. i gotta live for me
never again will i do something
because i think it will be pleasing to someone else
<3333

i F0UND iT

i finally found what i was looking for
everyone told me
if i search hard enough
i would find it
&&& i did
i am not gonna lie
that shiittt hurt
like losing my best friend
i stayed composed
even though everything in me
wanted to go over there
&&& act ignorant
i waited until i got home to cry
and i cried. . .and cried. . .and cried
i fell asleep cryiinggg
&&& woke up cryiinggg
because i had a dream about the situation
but wayyy moreee intenseee
i cried when i confronted him. . .hella hard
i cried in my best friend and sister's arms
i am cryiinggg right now
&&& i am gonna continue to cryyy
.never knew a looovvveee sooo stronggg.
the crazy thing about is it gave me strength
outta all the hurt &&& pain
i found strength
the strength to begin healing
to say i am hurting myself by tryna love you
to make the choice when he could not decide
to say i was wrong &&& he was right
to stop saying i cannot live without you
because the truth is
i can &&& i will
yesss. it is gonna hurt
i am gonna cry
but i need to find me again
to grow up
get myself together
maybe we can try again after the healing is over
for now. . .ima just live