Taking a Night Off

so anyone who knows me
knows that i just might be Mr.Graham's most devoted
ever since the early day[yess.Degrassi]
i was on him toughh
&& to see him evolve not only as an actor
but as an artist is amazing

so as i sit here
listening to "A Night Off" [one of my favorites]
i wonder what a night off for Drake is like
home cooked meal.movie.cuddled up
good convo.no awkward moments
just free flowing.entertaining dialect
that intrigues both parties
leaving them wanting more?
sounds like a damn good night off to me haha.

T0RN.TAKiN ALL MY ENERGY

wanting more than anything
for things to go back
to the way they used to be
been so open with everything
yet.he can't tell me one thing
what should i think?
a part of me feels
that i am getting played
another feels this is just his way
of being sure
i know i have always been selfish
but why is it all about you?
zero consideration of my feelings
not the person i used to love
someone T0TALLY different
wasn't expecting the same person
.in some aspects.
but this person
i gotta learn
honestly.i don't like it
wanna be with the person
who smiled.loved.lived[freely]
i am drained.confused.torn
what to do?
we do not have the time
you think we do
we cannot play and wait around
.life is too short.
gimme something.anything
i can work with
cuz right now
i am feeling like
i am on a one way street
&&& that isn't love

In Memory Of

.my tongue ring.
so for the past two days
i have been going back forth
about whether or not
i should take my tongue ring out
[even though i just got it done Monday]
pretty much everyone i asked
told me to keep it in
it would be money wasted
i am almost done with the healing process
&& all that blahzee skippyyy woo woo L0L
so finally someone asked why did i get it done
i told them because i wanted to
then they asked why did i want to
&& that is the question i had yet to answer for myself
so after so deep thinking, i realized the answer
&& it was N0T because JASMiNE wanted to
if that was the case, i would have gotten it done 5 years ago
once i figured out the REAL reason i got it done
i took it out
and there are gonna be some people who will be angryy
&& sayy all kinds of thiingsss
but in the end. i gotta live for me
never again will i do something
because i think it will be pleasing to someone else
<3333

i F0UND iT

i finally found what i was looking for
everyone told me
if i search hard enough
i would find it
&&& i did
i am not gonna lie
that shiittt hurt
like losing my best friend
i stayed composed
even though everything in me
wanted to go over there
&&& act ignorant
i waited until i got home to cry
and i cried. . .and cried. . .and cried
i fell asleep cryiinggg
&&& woke up cryiinggg
because i had a dream about the situation
but wayyy moreee intenseee
i cried when i confronted him. . .hella hard
i cried in my best friend and sister's arms
i am cryiinggg right now
&&& i am gonna continue to cryyy
.never knew a looovvveee sooo stronggg.
the crazy thing about is it gave me strength
outta all the hurt &&& pain
i found strength
the strength to begin healing
to say i am hurting myself by tryna love you
to make the choice when he could not decide
to say i was wrong &&& he was right
to stop saying i cannot live without you
because the truth is
i can &&& i will
yesss. it is gonna hurt
i am gonna cry
but i need to find me again
to grow up
get myself together
maybe we can try again after the healing is over
for now. . .ima just live